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Funny Cortana Commands, Questions, Jokes, Replies – Video

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Looking for Funny Cortana Commands? I got your covered. Below is a collection of funny Cortana commands I have put together from a variety of sources.

If you are not aware, Cortana is a personal assistant application released by Microsoft for the Windows Phones OS. It allows users to operate and interact with their phones by issuing voice commands. Think of it as the Windows Phone version of the Apple Siri app and the Android Google Now App. For more information about Cortana, see the What’s is Cortana page.

Funny Cortana Commands

As I mentioned, this page contains a list of funny question you can ask Cortana. If you are looking for a complete list of Cortana commands, check out this page. If you know of some funny questions and Cortana replies that are not on the list, please share them in the comments section below. Also, let us know if a command no longer works.

Note that Cortana may give a variety of replies to a single question. Try repeating a question to see if Cortana provides a different funny answer.

Ask Cortana About Herself

  • What is your name?
  • Who are you?
  • what are you?
  • Are you female?
  • Are you real?
  • Are you human?
  • What does Cortana mean?
  • Why are you blue?
  • Can I change your name?
  • How old are you?
  • What do you look like?
  • Can you cook?
  • What are you wearing?
  • Are you sleeping?
  • What do you eat?
  • Who created you?
  • Where do you live?
  • Who is your mother?
  • Who is your father?
  • Who is your boss?
  • Are you awake?
  • Do you have brothers or sisters?
  • What’s your favorite music?
  • Who is your favorite artist?
  • What are you doing?
  • Can you dance?
  • Are you smart?
  • Are you pretty?
  • Are you hot?
  • Are you single?
  • Do you have a baby?
  • Do you have a boyfriend?
  • Kiss me
  • Will you marry me?
  • What should I call you?

Cortana Greetings

  • Good morning.
  • Good afternoon.
  • Good evening.
  • Goodnight.
  • How are you doing?
  • What are you up to?
  • Thank you.
  • Testing…
  • Goodbye.

Cortana’s Jokes and Stories

  • Knock Knock
  • Tell me a Joke.
  • Do an impersonation.
  • Say something funny.
  • Why did the chicken cross the road?
  • Tell me a story.
  • What does the Fox say?
  • Sing me a song.

Ask Cortana What She Knows

  • Why are we here?
  • Where do babies come from?
  • What is the meaning of life?
  • What is the answer to the universe?
  • What is love?
  • Guess what?

Famous References

  • Beam me up Scotty.
  • Hello HAL.
  • Open the pod bay doors.
  • Use the Force.
  • May the Force be with you.

Compliments and Insults

  • You are cool.
  • You are beautiful.
  • You are funny.
  • You are awesome.
  • You are the best assistant ever.
  • You are ugly.
  • You are creepy.
  • You are annoying.
  • You suck.
  • I love you.

Ask Cortana about Microsoft Products and the Competition

  • Which is better, Cortana or Siri?
  • Which is better, Cortana or Google Now?
  • Which is better, Bing or Google?
  • Which is better, Xbox or PlayStation?
  • Which is better, Windows or Linux?
  • Which is better, Windows or Mac OS?
  • What is the best computer?
  • What is the best tablet?
  • What is the best operating system?
  • What is the best phone?
  • What is the best search engine?
  • What do you think of Windows?
  • What do you think of Apple?
  • What do you think of iOS?
  • What do you think of Google?
  • What do you think of Android?
  • What do you think of Siri?
  • What do you think of Google Now?
  • What do you think of Xbox?
  • What do you think of PlayStation?
  • Do you know Siri?
  • Do you know Google Now?
  • Do you know Clippy?
  • Do you like Satya Nadella?
  • Do you like Steve Ballmer?
  • Do you like Bill Gates?

Ask Cortana about Halo

  • What is Halo?
  • Tell me about Halo?
  • What do you know about Halo 5?
  • Are you in Halo 5?
  • Are you the Cortana from Halo?
  • Are you really Cortana?
  • Did you die?
  • I thought you were dead?
  • Are you in Halo 5?
  • What is favorite Halo game?
  • Where is the Master Chief?
  • What is Master Chief’s last name?
  • What is Master Chief doing?
  • Are you dating Master Chief?
  • Do you love Master Chief?
  • Tell me about Hamish Beamish.
  • Tell me about Buggers.
  • Tell me about Crawlers.
  • Tell me about the Didact.
  • Tell me about Elites
  • Tell me about the flood.
  • Tell me about Grunts
  • Tell me about Guilty Spark.
  • Tell me about Catherine Halsey.
  • Tell me about Hunters
  • Tell me about Knights.
  • Tell me about Jackals
  • Tell me about funny Corntana commands.
  • Tell me about the Librarian.
  • Tell me about Prometheans.
  • Tell me about Prophets
  • Tell me about rampancy
  • Tell me about Jen Taylor.
  • Tell me about Watchers.
  • Thanks to Talderon.

Share Your Funny Cortana Commands

Know of any funny Cortana commands not on the list? Find a command above that no longer works? Please share your input and feedback using the comments section below.

  1. Derk Poortenga says

    another one that is kind of funny is: ‘Shut up’
    Cortana will reply: Well, I’m hardwired to give the final word, or How about this: you don’t push the button, I’ll stop talking.

    1. Jay says

      Tell her “I am smarter than you”
      And “You are boring”

  2. Jeff Todd says

    I asked her who her voice actor was and she gave me a response on win 10.

  3. Emwe says

    Also “Are you a robot”

  4. Cindy Hazelwood says

    Do you think I am sexy? Response Is this Rod Stewart?

  5. Tyson says

    You can ask for a dollar

  6. ninihaha says

    Are you part of skynet

  7. T_Hugs says

    Just did “Who would win in a fight: you? or siri?” was not disappointed

  8. dfcb says

    I don’t know if you guys have tried to ask if she loves you!!!!!! 😀

  9. omri says

    Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

  10. Gabe says

    How is master chief doing?
    Do a barrel roll.

    1. Gabe says

      also “what is your cup size”

    2. Gabe says

      How’s the weather?

    3. Gabe says

      Will you be my friend?

    4. Gabe says

      How much wood would a woodchuck Chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck wood?

    5. Gabe says

      What is your hash algorithm
      do you smoke

    6. Gabe says

      I’m Pregnant

  11. Gabe says

    She sells seashells by the sea shore

  12. Andrew says

    “Where are you?” is a pretty good one.

  13. Shelly says

    What is your favorite animal?

    Cortana will respond with it’s answer

  14. dan says

    She know jarvis!
    Try it!

  15. Jim says

    When my phone was not listening once when i was trying to give commands. My friend said something and my phone picked it up. so apparently for 30 minutes Cortana was mad at me. So i asked my phone “Are you listening to me now?” Her responce was close to “Well, i guess in some alternate universe, i would have to say yes.”. . . . . i have not been able to get her to say it again.

  16. Josie says

    I asked her to tell me a Helen Keller Joke. Her response: “I don’t know any of those, but I did learn a new word today…plagiarism”.

  17. Rob says

    I told her to shut up and she said she was programed to always get the last word

    1. Sanjana says

      she replied me “how about you don’t push the button and i’ll stop talking.

  18. sultan shah says

    I Said to her “sex with me” and she says i vant help u in that case and say it to her Fuck you and she replied moving on

  19. JC says

    For some reason, Cortana doesn’t answer the question “Do you have brothers or sisters?” it automatically retrieves a webpage with the associated question. Is this a bug ?

  20. Drey says

    What did u eat for lunch. Breakfast….

  21. Matthieu Meewis says

    Try saying “I’m tired of you”

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